Chocolate: Cures What Ails Ya

As you know, I have been mourning the loss of my oven. Or rather, the loss of my ability to turn it on, what with the 24/7 too fucking hot.

I’ve been dreaming up these chocolate-tooth cures for awhile, and finally got down to business. It’s not like it was hard. Little could be easier, once you’ve secured your fair-trade chocolate and organic nuts.

This “recipe” is much, much easier than pie which really, who are we kidding, is not that easy.  It involves 1. melting chocolate and 2. pouring it over nuts. Can ya dig it? Waiting until cool and cutting into candy sized chunks is optional. As you will see.

Of course this only works for people who love chocolate cut with large quantities of nuts. Like me. If you too search every chocolate box for the chocolate covered nut clusters, this “recipe” is for you.

Some more ascetic, less culinarily obsessed people might point out that you could just sit down with a bag of chocolate chips in one hand, and nuts in the other. And I would answer, who are you? Go away.

see how they're wet on top. that's cuz i cooled them in the fridge, then left them out at room temp. no-no. cool and keep at the same temp.

Chocolate Nut Snake Oil*

[Anyone not familiar with the American tradition of snake oil? It’s the infamous, bunk folk “remedy” pedaled for any and every complaint, by the predecessors to Merck. As far as placebos go, these chocolates taste good and cost a lot less.]

  • 1 cup chocolate chips
  • 1/4 cup butter
  • 2 Tablespoons cocoa powder
  • 1 1/2 cups walnuts, almonds, pecans or whatever’s in yer cupboard

My silicone bread pan worked perfect for this. Short of that, line a bread pan or small baking dish with aluminum foil or plastic wrap, depending whether you prefer cancer or Alzheimers.

Melt chocolate chips and butter in the microwave, or a double boiler. Whisk in cocoa till satiny. Stir nuts into chocolate, then pour into mold. Cool (and store) at room temperature if you live in a reasonable climate. Or the fridge if not.

That is, if you can hold yourself back from eating the whole lot of warm chocolate swimming with nuts first.